I remember my former Indian roommate, Deepa, said: "Tiwi, I miss Ujwal so much it hurts." We were in the Meadows in San Marcos, TX, away from our husbands, mine in Indonesia, Deepa's in Dallas. She was still lucky, being able to seen her husband every other week, at least. And I had to end up fantasizing about what mas Prapto was doing without me around.
Longing really hurts, and I know exactly what Deepa meant when she cried, thought outloud. Well, at least, we had each other. But who would bear the painful loneliness? Even in the middle of an exam, his face was like a ghost trailing behind me.
Ugh... that was more than two years back, but why is it that I can still feel the thrilling, yet hurting longing whenever I look into his eyes, now that he's always by my side?
RINDUKU DI KANAL TAK BERUJUNG
Hari-hari ini rinduku menggunung,
bagai semut berbaris tak nampak buntut;
Dinginnya salju membakar sukma,
Panas api menggigilkan raga.
Saat sulit kutahan rinduku seperti kini,
kututup mataku meninggalkan bayangmu;
Namun titik-titik di kertas ujian menjadi senyummu,
hantumu tak jua henti mendirikan kudukku.
Tak ada yang lebih memerihkan,
selain ketakmampuan menembus lorong hati;
tak ada yang lebih memabukkan
kecuali asa di kanal tak berujung.
Rabb yang membolak-balik hati,
pantaskah kutanya kenapa cintaku seperti ini;
Yaa Rahman yaa Rahiim
kenapa kasih ini tak henti meluluhkan sendi.
San Marcos, TX